I am the first in my family to pursue art. I have made many decisions in life that are strongly frowned upon by my culture. 

Throughout my life, I have experienced confusion and conflict with my identity and the perception of myself. To others, I am not perceived as an Asian individual. I have been made to feel like I do not represent my culture through my appearance, my upbringing and my lack of exposure to my rich Malaysian culture. 

This photographic series is a representation of the culture I am proud to be a part of - a culture that has come with many bittersweet memories. My Ah Mah and Kong Kong’s house has always been a familiar and comforting place for me - an outlet into my Chinese-Malaysian heritage that allowed me to feel surrounded by the things I love but cannot indulge in in Australia. 

It also houses expectations and standards that I do not fit, and never will. 

This series became an expression of my love for my culture through the mundane beauties of my Ah Mah’s house and the significance of food, fruits and flowers throughout my heritage and family. 

In the process of making the work, my Ah Mah taught me to make a favourite childhood dessert of mine, sharing her secrets to making it perfectly and explaining the meaning behind the cake. The Kuih represents luck and hard work through the lucky red of the top layer and the laborious nature of its creation - both are values strongly upheld by my Ah Mah. I feel a sense of shame and regret for not being enriched in the language or traditions and wish I had not felt so embarrassed to call my grandparents by their true names at school. 

The values, expectations and standards of my culture linger softly in the creation of my work. I stray heavily from their ideals and my culture’s ideals, and there is always a sense of disapproval in my choices that is never forgotten. My appreciation for this part of my heritage and upbringing is endless, but constantly creates friction with my identity and sense of self.